We all experience stress. Managing it is not easy, but it is essential to our well-being. You’re probably reading this because you sometimes (or often?) feel stressed out and would like to feel better. Read on for some advice.

First of all, did you know that some stress is actually good? Small to moderate levels of stress keep us alert and prompt us to pay attention to things that we need to do or figure out. But, as we all have experienced, stress can climb to levels where it’s no longer helpful. High stress can interfere with focus and concentration and make us feel fatigued. Chronic stress can lead to burnout and erode our mental and physical health.

Get to Know Yourself

When dealing with stress, there is no one “right way.” But there are a few things to keep in mind. One is that the better you get to know yourself and your own particular patterns, the more you can tailor your stress management strategies. Pay attention to situations and people that increase your stress. Notice the signs that you are getting more stressed out.

Also, it often works best to address stress before it gets too high. Think of a stoplight–practice noticing your stress when it’s in the green (low) or yellow (medium) zone, before it gets to red (high). Dealing with mild to moderate stress and interrupting its progression will be more effective than waiting for a meltdown and then trying to cope.

Step 1: The Basics

So, what to do when stress is getting too high? The first step is to take a look at “the basics”: sleep, eating, and exercise. Sure, we can’t sleep, eat, and work out in ideal ways all the time. But, if we are getting less than we need in these areas on a regular basis, we will be more vulnerable to the effects of stress.

Take an honest look at how much sleep you’re getting, how you are eating, and how active you are. If you could benefit from improvements in two or three of these areas, it may be smart to start with just one. Sleep is often seen as the most important. Think about what your ultimate goal might be: If you’re currently getting 5-6 hours a night, maybe your goal is to get 7 consistently. Start small: Move your bedtime or rising time by 15-30 minutes, and if you’re successful at this, keep it going for a week or two before making another small, incremental change. The key is to set progressive, realistic goals rather than trying to make a big change all at once. If you’re not successful at making any changes, take a step back to ask yourself why. If you can identify the barriers, you can brainstorm ways of overcoming them.

Changing habits is hard. It often helps to get support. Ask a friend or relative to work out with you. Talk to a nutritionist about your diet. Join a sports team. Ask your partner if they would be willing to check in with you about progress you’re making toward your goals. Use a “habit tracker” app that includes a social support component.

Step 2: Reduce or Modify Stressors

After you’ve looked at your basic self-care, evaluate what the biggest stressors are in your life. Maybe they include a relationship, your job, or being over-committed with responsibilities. Once you’ve taken stock of your stressors, figure out whether there are ways to eliminate any of them. If not, can you modify them? Can you change your work hours or duties? Get extra help? Delegate some of your responsibilities?

Perhaps you can take a class or do some reading to gain skills that will make your work easier. Consider ending relationships that feel unhealthy or unbalanced, or if you can’t do that, think about how to strengthen your boundaries (e.g., limit time with problematic people, get better at saying “no,” call out unacceptable behaviors).

I realize that getting rid of stressors may not always be possible. However, sometimes when we are busy and stressed, our perspective can get skewed. Because we are stressed out, any change seems impossible. Reflect on whether this is actually true or just the stress talking.

Step 3: Building Your Coping Toolbox

Another important part of stress management is to have a “toolbox” of coping skills. You most likely already have some tools that you use. Maybe when you’ve had a hard day, you call your best friend or take a walk or jog. Perhaps you put on a favorite music playlist, watch an old movie, meditate, or pray.

Think about which of your coping strategies actually reduce the impact of stress and which are just “defaults” that don’t help that much. Scrolling through social media or binge watching a whole season of a show are good examples of coping tools that may be “defaults.” We use them because they are easy and available, not because they help us the most. Maybe they do make us feel more relaxed and positive. But maybe they are just filling time. If the things you are doing to cope aren’t giving you much back, consider replacing or adding to them with something new.

A coping tool that is pretty easy to use (unless you have breathing issues) is to take some slow, deep breaths. We all know how to breathe, of course. But therapeutic deep breathing is different than our usual breathing. Here’s how you do it: Inhale deeply through your nose so your abdomen rises. Allow your “out breath” (through the nose or mouth) to be longer than your “in breath.” Give yourself time to sink into it. You may feel more calm right away, but remember that this (and any) coping tool works best if you practice it regularly–not just when you are super stressed.

Another helpful tool is a mindful grounding exercise called 5-4-3-2-1. Before starting, take a few deep, long breaths. Then do the following:

5: Look around and find FIVE things you can see. These could be a pen, a spot on the ceiling, a tree outside your window—anything in your surroundings.

4: Tune in to FOUR things you can touch. These could be your hair or clothes, a pillow, your own fingertips, or the chair under your body.

3: Listen for THREE things you can hear. These can be internal (e.g., your stomach rumbling, your breath) or external (e.g., a bird chirping, your computer fan).

2: Tune in to TWO things you can smell. Maybe you can smell the scent of flowers in the air, a beverage on your desk, or the soap you used earlier.

1: Pay attention to ONE thing you can taste. What does the inside of your mouth taste like? Do you have gum or a mint to put in your mouth?

If you forget the order of these sensory tasks, don’t stress out! Just use the concept of the exercise to ground yourself in your senses–the order is not important. This sort of mindfulness activity can help you pay attention to sensations instead of to your thoughts and worries, and it may help you feel more calm and aware.

Wrapping Up

There are lots of other potential coping tools out there. Some are things you do for or by yourself, like the exercises listed here, listening to music, taking a walk, engaging in art or crafts, shooting hoops, or whatever else helps you feel less stressed. You may also find coping strategies outside of yourself: Your friends, family, partner, colleagues, and community can help you cope. Make use of the supportive people, fun social activities, meaningful activism, and enriching spiritual or religious communities available to you.

One more thing to think about is that we sometimes use coping tools that can make things worse in the long run. For instance, if you drink alcohol or use drugs when you feel stressed out, you may feel better for a little while, but substances can bring consequences that add to your stress.

Finally, if you need some professional assistance coping with stress, consider talking to a therapist. Individual or group therapy can be a good way to get help coping.